Saturday, March 5, 2016

On My Mind at 2:18am

There are moments in time when I take a glance out the window in my room at night. Sometimes the blinds are closed, but as of recently, we've kept them open for no reason other than sheer forgetfulness or laziness. When I take my glasses off at night, everything is a little bit blurry, allowing for a little more imagination on my part. Looking out the window, the lights from the rooms across the quad light up the view, with a hint of glare because of my weak eyes.

For a moment, I feel like I am high up in a city building, staring out at the lights of the sleepless night...inviting me. For a moment, I forget the small town that I am trapped in. For a moment, I forget the deathly quiet place I call home and see myself there.

Sure I can see the stars in a little town like this with so few lights of distraction, but the stars will always be there and they always look the same. In a city, the lights are moving, changing, dimming, and brightening.

They say no one sleeps in the big city, but I think they are wrong. There is an indescribable moment of silence when I look out the window into the city and see all things moving and flickering like a muted television screen. However, I am stagnant. The sounds from bellow are mere whispers in the night, wishing of sweet dreams as I forget about the pile of worries building upon my back. It is peacefully and safe from this high up window. This is the resting moment that no one every remembers and the moment I crave.

Then the moment is over. My eyes focus, and I realize I am no longer staring out the window into a city. The lights and soft whispers have subsided to the soft breath of my roommate as she sleeps.

I often steel a glance at that window and see myself there again in the city. But then my eyes focus and I see the simple campus and small town, too quietly sitting in the night. I hope to experience the real thing again soon, to truly fill that aching feeling in my heart.


cover photo from here.