Monday, June 15, 2015

The Mental Process of Going for a Run

Oh god, I hate mornings. Okay I guess it's technically afternoon. Time for my run. Exhale. Maybe I will just go for a long walk today. Yeah. Walks are still good for you right? Besides, I went for a run yesterday. It's good to switch things up. Better for your health. Yeah, I'm treating my body better! Basically saving a life right here.

I'm just not feeling getting out of my bed. It's so comfy. Okay. I'm up now. Glass of water before run? Yes please. Running clothes on. Cool. Wow, I look good! Should I do an ab workout before I go? Ugh fine I will. *Looks for abs after one workout. Sad face. No abs yet. Time for my walk. Aww it's so pretty outside. Nice and warm. Motivation is crazy high right now. I'm going for a run instead! Don't be lazy. Okay headphones. Stay in my ears this time. Playlist check. Hmmm. Disney playlist! Okay, let's go! Running app set. 3.2.1. Beginning workout.

Inhale through nose. Exhale through mouth. Inhale through nose. Exhale through mouth. Gosh are my lips going to get chapped because of this? Oh well. "SAVAGES, SAVAGES, BARELY EVEN HUMAN!" Feeling pretty bad a**! I can do this! Exhale through mouth. Inhale through nose. How far am I going to go today. The whole path! Yes. I already feel great so I should be able to make it.

"I THINK IT'S CRAZY. WHAT? WE FINISH EACH OTHER'S SANDWHICHES." I wish I had someone to sing this song with. Running partner? Um, no. I would die talking and running at the same time. I guess I will just sing all of the parts then. Ear bud! Stay in my ear. Oh that's a pretty bird. I've never seen one like that before.

Okay I'm starting to get winded. Maybe I'll just run to that bridge and back. Yeah. That's most of the path so it's not too bad. I don't want to kill myself either. "I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD, SHINING, SHIMMERING SPLENDER." Now that's a movie I haven't seen in a while.

Oh my god what just flew in my mouth?! Jerk face. Come on nature. Do you not want me to run? Ugh and there flies my ear bud again. Why doesn't it ever stay in my ear?

I see the bridge! Yay! Reached the bridge! Oh no I'm only half way done. I'm already dying. Okay. Inhale through nose. Exhale through mouth. You can do it. "JUST WONDER, WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?" Rapunzel! Love her! Aww I need to see that movie again. It's so cute! Is it on Netflix? I'll have to check. Okay I'm really dying now. The finish is so far away!

Seriously breeze. If you aren't going to be cool, don't be here at all! Ear bud! Again! *Looks at phone. How do people even do those marathons? I feel like such a weakling. I'm really beginning to slow down now. Finish line! I see you now. "I can touch you now." Harry Potter reference! Nerd alert.

Maybe I can just walk the rest of the way. Oh no you signed up for this. But I can't do it! Don't be a looser and run till the end! Yes! My favorite song. "I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU!" Come one. Be a man. Be a man! Don't be a savage! I'm dying. I'm actually dying. I don't think my legs can keep going.

Circle of Life! Oh thank God! What are they even saying? Final stretch. Make it count! Run faster! You need to Mufassa! Haha. Puns. Done! Oh thank God! I'm dying. I'm still alive but I'm dead. I can't breath. I'm not even running anymore, what is this! Water! I need water! Once I start breathing like a normal human being.

Water! Thank God! This water was made by angels. Now I'm really feeling the sweat. Sunglasses. Off. Gosh those are gross. I should really clean them some time. Oh I am so sweaty. Can someone just spray me with a water hose? I'll just dump this glass of water on my head. Well then I will drench the floor. Aww man.

Okay breathing normally. I am so tired! Ugh I don't want to take a shower. I will just check Twitter really quick before I do. And Instagram. And Pinterest. Oh and I see a new video on YouTube. I'll watch that too. Floor. I shall lay down on you. Oh has it been a half hour already? Eww I probably smell disgusting. Floor not comfortable anymore. Ugh. *Groans. Time for my shower.

I feel so refreshed!! Okay that's good for today. I will just lay in my bed and watch Netflix for the rest of my life.

I hope you enjoyed this little short story. I hope you had a little giggle too.

Stay classy,

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