You get accustomed to the men, I was told, and that's what I tell everyone else. It's true. When I was first brought here, I couldn't imagine myself doing this every day, but I have. We have done our best burry away our past lives. We are the lucky ones, we would tell ourselves. I'm still here. I'm still alive. I still endure. If I wasn't here, I would have probably died from an overdose a long time ago. No one would have even cared.
"Go big or go home," I told myself in that other life. You would think I would have been safe with my friends around me. I've been here so long, I can't even remember what their voices sounded like. Just their laughs as I excused myself with the man I planned to spend the rest of my night with. He was charming, but not so much that I questioned it. I probably should have.
That was a really bad time in my life. I hadn't talked to my family in months. I was high more days than I wasn't. The job I was struggling to hold, barely paid for the dump I lived in. It didn't matter to me, though. I had spent most of my nights crashed at a girlfriend's house or another guy's. That was a horrible life that I never want to go back to. That is why I do what He says now. That is why I help Him find the other girls too. I can never go back to that life. No one really knew me or loved me. My parents couldn't care less, and I didn't care anymore about them. He loves me though. He buys me nice clothes that I could never afford before. I use to wear the same outfit almost every day. We live in this nice home together too. A maid comes and cleans it every week!
He found me so helpless. I was scared at first, of course. This strange man had taken me to his house that seemed ordinary. Plus, I didn't know what He did. I snuck out early the next morning, per usual and headed off to work. Then I saw Him a second time. This is how His process goes. He finds a girl, and He studies her. How else would he know if she was perfect for his work or not? I was different, though. I was going to be one of his special girls. I saw Him again that night. He casually ran into me at a different bar that night. We laughed over the coincidence of running into each other two nights in a row. He was a real listener, which is why I liked him. We might have sat there for an hour talking. He didn't talk all that much, and just listened to what I had to say. I didn't know much about Him, but I felt so close to Him because of all I was willing to spill to Him. He was older than most men I was with, but maybe that was the problem. I found out later that He was actually much older, but it doesn't matter to me now.
He invited me home that night again, and I agreed. He had to do to me what he did to all of the other girls, though. Even though I was special to him, there was a type "initiation" I had to go through.
He always had lovely men and young girls at his house. He was a collector, you could say. He had made their lives better, though. He was saving them from the dangerous people we could have run into in bars. He brought the men to us. Of course we had to do whatever they wanted, but we were taken care of. He always wanted us to look pretty. No drugs, so that our teeth would always look pretty. We had a little crap food here and there, but he kept the fridge open for us to make our own food. He said it made us more "independent" in that way, which made us feel better about ourselves. Just tell Him what He wanted and do to Him whatever He wanted, and you would be okay.
That second night I came home with Him, I found out about this whole side of Him. At first, it was terrifying. Do you remember that "initiation" I was telling you about? I started spending almost every night His house. I got to know the other girls a little better. They just said prepare yourself, when it came to the initiation. I was fearless, though. I wanted to be part of His fancy world. He had more cars than I had plates in my kitchen. I wanted to be part of this luxurious life.
The second week I was there, I was begging Him to do the initiation. I had slept with Him every night since we had met. He was rough, but I had gotten use to it. I figured I could handle it. He finally agreed after a couple of weeks. "Just do what he says, and you'll be okay," the other girls told me. They all had worried looks on their faces, but I thought they just thought I was soft. He said, "You are going to go away for a little bit. Just a couple days." "Are you coming with me, babe?" I asked him, immediately. "No. Someone else will take you there. It's your initiation. You will be a whole new woman after it, not just hat scrappy little teenager I found at the bar a couple weeks ago," he said. He smiled at me, and kissed my forehead. I smiled back at Him as He pulled away.
I don't like to talk about the initiation. I have been asked by anyone and everyone about what it was like, but I can't. No one should have those images in their mine. The man I went to see was known for "breaking girls in". At the time, I didn't know what that meant. He was right, though. When I came back, I was different woman. Anything that any of the men asked for, I was willing. It was nothing compared to what he had done to me. I guess that's why he sent me to him. It was not just this man. There were others. He had friends who would come. I was drugged for most of the experience, but they started to lay off the drugs when I started to "adapt." That's when he brought more men in. They would do me all at once. I remembered what the girls had told me, and I did everything he wanted. Any request they had, I followed with no complaint. He brought me back to the house a few weeks later. He had a smile on his face when he dropped me off.
"She's a wild chick," he said. "Never had anyone so obedient before. You'll love her." I kept my eyes at the ground as I waited for the man to leave so that I was alone with Him. I was beyond grateful to be back with Him again. After what I had experienced in the last week, anything was better. He took me inside, drew me a bath, and treated me like a princess. That was when I decided I was never leaving.
When I was clean, he took me to his room, and we made love. I was never going to leave. He made me feel safe. He made me feel at home. This is how he did it. He broke me, and then He made himself the only hope left. It worked. He was my only hope. I couldn't quite shake off what had happened to me yet. The entire time I was gone, I had not shed a single tear for myself. I was afraid it would get worse if I had.
I came down the grand steps of the house and down to the basement where the other girls were waiting. They all looked at me. They all understood. I went to Dylan, who I had gotten close to before I left. She hugged me with loving arms, and I could not hold the water works in anymore. The other girls looked down at their laps, as thought they remembered the memories they had blocked from their own experience. I cried on Dylan's shoulder until my eyes were dry. She kept telling me that I never had to do anything like that again. It was gone and over with. Gone and over with.
We heard the door squeal open from the top of the steps. "Go to the restroom. Wipe your eyes, blow your nose, and splash some water on your face. He doesn't like criers," Dylan said quickly, as she pushed me through a dingy door at the corner of the room. I quickly slipped in the door, closed it shut, and did as Dylan had told me. I sat on the toilet seat for several minutes, staring at my reflection in the mirror. The makeup that I had on my face before I had left was long gone, except for a little mascara smudged under my eyes. I wiped it away quickly. Inhale. Exhale. I had a job to do here. In the back of my mind, the thought of going back to my old life jumped out at me. I quickly snatched it, strangled it, and pushed it to the back of my mind where it belonged. I didn't want that life again. Here, He loved me. I was cared for. I had nice things. Also, there was something that the man from my initiation had told me.
I remembered one evening. I think it was evening. The sun was disappearing behind the trees, as I looked through a small window at the edge of the room. He was on top of me, and I had managed to forget he was there for only a moment until he spoke. He said, "I will always know where you are, missy. If you ever leave and go back to that crappy life he saved you from, I'll find you again. I'll find you and bring you back here. Then I'll personally walk you up the steps of his house and deliver you to him again. What do you think he is gona say to you, then? Ask those whores you live with what happened to the last girl that tried to leave. They won't even be able to speak of it. Just remember that when you go back to that house. Remember that every time you see an open window or door. I will find you. I will bring you back, and we can do this all over again." I could not get that grin out of my mind, that spread across his face after he had said that. That was the reason I would never go back. The true reason.
I looked up at the mirror across from me again, and I saw his face in it. I quickly looked away. This was survival I was walking into. Survival of the fittest, and I was determined to be the "fittest." I inhaled deeply and stood up.
I walked back out into the basement. Miranda was gone. I assumed she was requested by her usual. They other girls huddled together, whispering to each other. Dylan was sitting alone on the couch. That would be a dangerous move for most girls, but it didn't matter for her. She was His, alone. She had been there the longest, and she was His favorite. I went to sit next to her. She grabbed my face, and she looked at me. "Okay, you look good. Keep the makeup off tonight. He won't get mad because you just got back. Tomorrow, though. He is going to be aiming in on you because you just got back," she said. I just nodded to her. "Everything will be fine," Dylan then said, with a weak smile.
"He will start taking you up with the other girls. Contrary to what he said, you're not just for him. He is going to start renting you out to other guys who come. You are young so you are prized possession for many guys. I assume you just turned eighteen, right?" I nodded. "Last month," I said. "He only gets girls who are above consent age in case someone starts sniffing around his business," she explained. "I just want to prepare you." I started thinking. "He never does that to you, how do you know? He takes you all for himself." Dylan exhaled. "There was a girl here before me," she said. "She use to be me. He would only take her for his own. She got old though. Once a girl starts getting to her mid twenties, he thinks they are too old and disposes of them." I thought a moment on what she meant by dispose. "How old are you?" I asked her, knowing that she was one of the older ones here. "I turn twenty five in a month," she said. I was taken back. "That's why he brought you in. He is looking for a new girl for him. He'll test you out for a while, and then decided. You'll be with others and they will report back to him. Then when I am gone, he will keep you all to himself. Do exactly as he says and then you won't have to deal with the other men. He has a routine, so you will get use to it."
"But what's going to happen to you?" I asked her. "I'll be fine. I'm getting old anyway and there is nothing I can do about it." Was she going to go soon? I needed her. She had become my rock. Tears started to well in my eyes. "No, no honey," she said to me as she wiped them away. "You need to listen to me," she said sternly. "This next month or so, I'm going to be telling you a lot. These other girls don't know what I really do and what you will be doing when I'm gone. You need to listen to me very clearly, because once I'm gone you are on your own, and it's your job to train the next girl. He gets really mad when his girls aren't perfect. Do you understand me?" My eyes were wide eyed and scared, but I nodded. I was here for the long run, and there was no turning back after Dylan was gone. Survival of the fittest, and I needed to be the fittest.Stay classy,
Cover photo credit: pinterest.com